


Walking on Broken Glass

by blue_pointer



Series: A Study in Gold [19]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Action & Romance, Advice, Angst, Armchair Therapy, Assassination Attempt(s), Awkward Conversations, Ballroom Dancing, Big Gay Dad Energy, Breaking the rules of magic, Broken Promises, Canon Timeline, Confrontations, Cursed objects, Dancing, Dancing Lessons, Debt, Difficult Decisions, Don't copy to another site, Drama & Romance, Dual Class, Eavesdropping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: c01e058 A Cycle of Vengeance, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Flirting, Flying, Gilmore Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Metallic Dragon!Gilmore, Minor Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Minor Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan, Neutral Good, Oh you sweet summer child, Panic, Partial Nudity, Polyamory Negotiations, Public Nudity, Relationship Advice, Secrets, Self-Esteem Issues, Sketchy Ethics, Slurs, Stabbing, Staring Too Long, Surprises, Talking, Telempathy, Twin Empathy, Twins, Vax is busted, Vaxmore, Vex'ahlia Is the Best, Your House Is on Fire, backhanded compliments, conversations in Marquesian, injuries, little white lies, percy needs a hug, relationship drama, the smoulder, then perish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:41:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27869349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: The fallout of Hotis’ attack, featuring: dodging assassins, growing wings,  drinking and dancing, Gilmore therapy, and loads of relationship drama.
Relationships: Cassandra de Rolo & Shaun Gilmore, Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III & Shaun Gilmore, Shaun Gilmore & Grog Strongjaw, Shaun Gilmore & Jarett Howarth, Shaun Gilmore & Kima, Shaun Gilmore & Vex'ahlia, Shaun Gilmore/Jarett Howarth, Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Series: A Study in Gold [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906693
Comments: 99
Kudos: 38





	1. If You're Trying to Cut Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jarett and Gilmore survive the demon's attack only to be attacked again in their own home.

Gilmore awoke in the drawing room of his new home. His head was killing him. He looked up to see that Jarett was pillowing Gilmore’s head in his lap, and he quickly reached out to be certain it was really Jarett. 

_“You’re awake!”_ Jarett said, looking relieved. _“I did not know what the demon had done to you. They left nearly as soon as you collapsed.”_

Gilmore used Jarett for leverage to pull himself into a sitting position on the couch. The world swam before his eyes; it was not a pleasant affair. _“Just a sharp knock to the head.”_ Gilmore winced, casting Lay on Hands on himself to banish the dizziness. 

_“But what about you?”_ Gilmore said, remembering how Cassandra had attacked Jarett. He reached to examine the bite wounds, turning Jarett’s head to the side so he could have a better look. The punctures were not as bad as Vax’ildan’s had been following Sylas’ transgression, but they would need tending to.

 _“I feel fine,”_ Jarett said. _“Violated, of course. Shocked, but essentially fine. You summoned sunlight just as she began to drink my blood, so I did not lose much. Did the demon turn Lady de Rolo into that fiend we saw?”_

 _“Er...perhaps,”_ Gilmore lied. _“I’m hoping she will return to normal once we defeat it.”_

 _“But how are we to defeat a demon?”_ Jarett asked.

 _“Demons are troublesome, but they’re not difficult to banish if you know the tricks,”_ Gilmore said. _“First, we’ve got to--J’arett, lookout!”_ He’d barely seen the assassin moving in the darkness before they lunged at Jarett. With Gilmore’s warning, Jarett tumbled out of the way like an acrobat, which left Gilmore facing a poisoned dagger coming straight at his face. 

He used Lightning to discourage the fellow. But the assassin, too, was nimble, and dodged the worst of the spell’s effects. Jarett tried to tackle them before they could attack Gilmore again, but they used a hand to hand maneuver Gilmore had not seen before, swinging Jarett around and slamming him to the floor, where they stabbed him with a poisoned blade. 

“No!” Gilmore used Telekinesis to fling the assassin across the room where they smashed into the bookcase, toppling it and crashing to the ground. _“J’arett!”_ Gilmore went to him, kneeling down to put pressure on his stab wound. _“I’m sorry,_ habibi _, this doesn’t seem to be your night.”_

Jarett gently held onto Gilmore’s wrist. _“I knew you would not let them kill me. This is the second time you’ve saved me just tonight.”_

But perhaps he’d spoken too soon. The assassin rushed them one more time, and Gilmore looked up at the last moment to throw them across the room with a gesture. They smacked into the table by the window, breaking the lantern, which sent fire skittering across the tablecloth. The assassin lay slumped in the corner now. Gilmore cast Hold Person on them. They weren’t going anywhere. 

_“You see?”_ Jarett asked. _“I knew it.”_ He took Gilmore’s free hand and kissed it. 

_“Come along, J’arett,”_ Gilmore told him, _“This is no time to get fresh. Let’s clean that wound.”_ He stood, pulling Jarett up with him. Gilmore pushed Jarett ahead of him into the wash closet just around the corner. In the washroom, Gilmore grabbed a fresh cloth and pumped water into the basin. _“Take off your shirt,”_ he said. _“You’ll likely need some bandaging, as well.”_

When Gilmore turned back around, it was to a faceful of Jarett’s chest. Gilmore had never seen quite so much of Jarett’s bare skin at once. Where the intricate patterns formed by swirls of chest hair ended, Jarett’s mahogany brown skin had copper highlights. “Oh!” Gilmore had never really thought before how muscular Jarett must be underneath all of that armor. 

_“I’m still bleeding, my lord,”_ Jarett said, bringing Gilmore back to the task at hand.

 _“Yes, of course.”_ Gilmore pressed his hand to the back of Jarett’s, which was holding his wound closed, and used Lesser Restoration to cure the poison.

The casting shouldn’t have been enough to disrupt Gilmore’s Hold Person spell. But perhaps the distraction of Jarett’s rock hard abs had been just enough to cause Gilmore to lose concentration for a moment. Because suddenly the assassin shouted from the next room, “Filthy sand-rat faggots!”

Jarett turned toward the door with murder in his eyes, no doubt intending to sprint back into the drawing room and kill the man, but Gilmore motioned for him to stay where he was, handing him the damp cloth. Gilmore switched out Hold Person for Telekinesis, lifting the assassin off the ground as he walked back into the drawing room. “ _What_ did you say?” Gilmore had tried to be kind and let the man live. But after that outburst, he didn’t even feel generous enough to keep the assassin for questioning. 

Holding him aloft in invisible claws, Gilmore looked the man in the eyes, searching for any sign of remorse. But all he saw there was fear and hatred. Fine. _Then, perish._ “That’s what I thought.” Gilmore closed his talons, crushing the man in a very gruesome but satisfying way. Better yet, Jarett wasn’t here to look horrified by Gilmore as he did it. 

When he’d done a sufficient amount of damage, Gilmore opened his hand and released the corpse, which fell to the ground like a puppet with cut strings. Oh, look at that. The curtains had caught fire. He should really do something about that. 

Gilmore hadn’t even finished taking a breath when suddenly there was more movement, and another humanoid figure appeared in his drawing room, uninvited. “It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s me, Keyleth!” 

Gilmore had been just about to Smite her, but seeing it really was the druid, he slowly lowered his arm. 

“Sorry!” she yelled, clearly in her own state of distress.

“This is not the night to be doing that to me!” Gilmore shouted, trying in vain to calm himself down.

“I know! I know!” she shrieked, voice rising to a fevered pitch only dogs and dragons could hear. 

Gilmore put a hand to his chest, breathing deeply. “I need a drink,” he sighed.

“Gilmore!” Why was Keyleth still shouting? “Rakshasa...in the town...pretending to be you.” Well, that came as no real surprise, given that he’d taken a piece of Gilmore earlier. “Trying to kill Vax.”

Trying to kill his beloved Vax’ildan? Wearing Gilmore’s face? That was unconscionable. “Right now?” he asked Keyleth, Gilmore’s adrenaline beginning to pump once again. 

“Yes!” Keyleth said. “Also...a bunch of fuckin’ assassins…”

Gilmore grabbed her arm before she could waste any more time with explanations, instantly Teleporting them to Vax’ildan. Whoever said you had to teleport to a place?


	2. You Know That I Might Bleed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilmore and Keyleth arrive back at the castle to find Vax alive and well (and naked). Vox Machina and friends begin to put the pieces together of what just happened.

With a flash of arcane energy, the two of them were standing in the tunnel under Whitestone Castle, and it seemed the gang was all here. “I found Gilmore!” Keyleth announced to the others, pointing at him, breathless. “I found him!”

To Gilmore’s dismay, Vex’ahlia reacted by nocking her bow and aiming an arrow at him. 

“Are we killin’ this one?” Grog asked. 

“No, don’t!” Keyleth said, arms out, imploring them. “It’s the real Gilmore!”

But Gilmore missed whatever happened next, utterly distracted by the sight of his beautiful boy, who was gloriously nude and--most importantly--unharmed. “My!” Gilmore switched gears from emergency to vamp mode so fast his heart couldn’t quite keep up, and he found himself breathless. “I’m glad to see you’re alright.” Gilmore smiled, pleased as punch. “I wasn’t expecting it to be my birthday, as well!” 

Vax grinned, having a hard time being stand-offish in the face of Gilmore being so flirty. “Oh! Well, look at the back side.” Vax quickly turned around. “This is a little awkward,” he said, glancing at the others.

“Vax! Quick! Vax, quick!” Scanlan was shouting in the background, but Gilmore had no attention to spare for the little twerp. What was that fresh red welt on Vax’ildan’s right buttock? Should Gilmore be concerned? “Ask him a question that only Gilmore would know the answer to!” Scanlan said.

“Oh…” Vax thought about it, and then glanced back at Gilmore. “What’d I tell you in that tavern? The other night...couple of months ago, I guess. What did I tell you?”

“Do _you_ remember?” Vex asked him, critically. 

“Yeah, I do.” And now Vax was looking at Gilmore intensely, no longer grinning or playful.

The words hit Gilmore like a slow-moving rockslide, bringing his mood from up in the atmosphere to rock bottom. His smile faded. “That you...had interests elsewhere.” It was hard even to say the words aloud. It felt like a punishment, like public humiliation to have to lay bare what had passed between them privately, and should have been long behind them by now. In that moment, Gilmore realized Vax had broken his promise and not spoken to Keyleth. 

“That’s Gilmore,” Vax said softly, and Vex’ahlia finally unstrung her bow. To add insult to injury, Keyleth conjured a small cloud, attempting to obscure Vax’ildan’s nudity from him, which was, in a word, utterly ridiculous. 

“It’s been a shit night,” Vax said, glancing at Gilmore. “Who wants to get a drink?” 

While the others hesitated, Gilmore immediately took Vax up on his offer. “I for one could really go for some heavy alcohol.” Alcohol wouldn’t make him forget what had just transpired, but it would numb the pain. 

“Well…well, wait.” Keyleth said. “Gilmore,” she stopped him before he could follow Vax upstairs. “Where’s Allura?” When Gilmore looked at her in confusion, having no clue what she was talking about, or how it related to getting drunk as quickly as possible, Keyleth repeated herself, speaking as if Gilmore were deaf, or had some other difficulty comprehending human speech. “Where’s Allura?” 

“I don’t know, I--” Did she think all of the mages lived together in some sort of commune? 

“Gilmore, if they went after us, and they were after you, they were probably also after Allura,” Keyleth explained. “And we need to make sure that everyone on the council is okay.”

Who was this ‘we’ she kept speaking of? Had the Ashari princess begun to use the royal ‘we’ already? 

“Zahra,” Vex’ahlia said, as Keyleth’s words sank in. “Kashaw.”

“All of them,” Keyleth said. 

Gilmore could tell he was not getting out of this to go drink any time soon. Fine. “Then let us go search. And then we shall drink. Nevertheless...” Gilmore was not going anywhere without assuring himself that his darling boy was alright. Honestly, it was nonsense to try to obscure Vax’ildan’s body from him, of all people. But clearly Keyleth did not know that. Even so, Gilmore had his own body; the male form was no foreign affair to Gilmore. 

So, ignoring the Cloud of Modesty, Gilmore stepped forward and pulled Vax in close, cradling the half elf against him. He touched Vax’ildan’s hair, whispering, “I’m glad you’re alright.” Now his arms were around Vax, Gilmore saw someone had attempted to flay the skin from Vax’ildan’s back. Gilmore cast Cure Wounds to knit it back together. 

But Vax was rigid and silent in his arms, taking great care not to reciprocate Gilmore’s embrace in any way. What had happened between dinner and now to change his attitude so? Ah, yes. The demon. Gilmore let go with a sad smile, nodding and stepping away. It made sense Vax would want his space after an attack like that. “I’m sorry.” This was gutting. All he wanted to do was hold his smiling boy. 

“Oh, no no no no--” Vax began, but it really didn’t matter what he was going to try to say to excuse what had just occurred. To find out that the one you love is repulsed by you; it was a lot to bear. 

“Let’s go make sure that everyone else is alright,” Gilmore said, turning and jogging up the tunnel. A stupid thing, that made his head swim and his injuries protest, but Gilmore needed air after that. “Come,” he called back, faking his best cheery tone. “Follow me.” 

*

Kashaw, it seemed, had been in some sort of battle; there was blood all over his room. Gilmore watched as Vax (still naked, mind) called out a friendly greeting to his beloved rival: “Hey, stink-eye.” 

The children had a pleasant little exchange with the cleric, during which Pike introduced herself and Kashaw made a show of closing her robe over Pike’s cleavage for her. He really was a pig. When Kashaw left for the baths, Keyleth reminded them that Cassandra and Allura were yet to be found. Percy said they should split up and all meet in the council chamber in ten minutes. As they all went their separate ways, Gilmore overheard Grog say he was going to go find Cassandra, “‘Cause I don’t trust that bitch.” 

_Oh dear._ He seemed to have the best instincts of anyone. Not that Cassandra didn’t deserve their trust at this point. Gilmore went with him, to make certain Cassandra did not come to any harm, and to see if she’d recovered from the mind control. 

They found her in the grand hall, back to herself, giving orders to the guards to do sweeps through the town. Obviously Gilmore couldn’t speak with her in front of the staff (and Grog), but he hovered close, trying to lend moral support. 

Just as Gilmore was considering following Vax to his room so they could talk about what had just happened, Allura and Kima walked in, the paladin dragging a dead assassin behind her. “Found her,” Gilmore called over to Keyleth, not above a little bit of pettiness when it was called for. 

Gilmore stayed in the background and listened as Kima and Allura got caught up on what had occurred at the castle, and shared the events of their evening. 

When Vox Machina began to play 20 questions with Allura about the nature of the demon, Kima pulled Gilmore aside. “What the hell happened to you? You look like shit.” 

“You’re so kind to notice,” Gilmore offered a sarcastic smile. 

“Seriously. You’re bleeding. Get down here, Goldie.” And she tugged on his sleeve until Gilmore knelt down so that she could see his head injury. She fussed over him, cleaning the gash on the top of his head with a potent alcohol and casting Cure Wounds. “Don’t want to tell me, huh?” 

“Not right now,” Gilmore admitted. His mind was still churning, trying to process everything that had happened this evening. Speaking of which...if Vax was naked, and that was because the demon had come to him disguised as Gilmore… If anything untoward had happened, Gilmore would destroy the fiend with his bare hands!

Gilmore heard one of the children mention it was time to drink, so he asked Kima to help him get back to his feet. He didn’t need them to see he’d been injured. Without thinking of it, Gilmore took the flask out of his robe and took a sip before passing it to Kima. “Thanks!” she said, giving it a try. 

“I think we need to quicken our reinforcements of the city,” he said, as Allura and Vox Machina turned finally to Gilmore. “I think we need to make certain that not only are we scry-proof, but I believe we need to find a way to alert ourselves of any sort of celestial or fiend intrusion.” The scrying was something that had worried him for some time with the other dragons, especially Raishan, as greens--like bronzes--were naturally gifted Arcanists. 

“So it’s a fiend?” Vex asked. 

“The very definition,” Gilmore said. And where there was one, more tended to follow.

“Also, this is not just a vendetta. It knows about Whitestone. It knows about our base of operations.” Vax said. “It looked us in the face; it knows we’re here. It knows where we are. It knows all of us. It knows him.” Vax gestured to Gilmore, but he would not look at him. “It knows all of us.” 

For a brief moment, they discussed how the demon could have known people it had never met, and then Vax turned to look at Gilmore with suspicion. “When was the last time you saw us before Kiki found you?” 

“You mean last night?” Gilmore asked. 

“The last conversation we had.” That made Gilmore nervous. What sort of private conversations might the demon have had with Vax wearing his face?

“Okay...dinner?” Vex suggested. 

“Dinner would’ve been the last time, yes,” Gilmore said, still worried over what the demon might have done with Vax since he’d left him last...waiting for a tryst… But seeing the panicked look on Vax’ildan’s face, Gilmore added, “Well, we did speak a bit _after_ dinner...while you were waiting for Vex’ahlia, remember?” 

Vax immediately looked relieved, though Vex looked at her twin, suspicious. Allura interrupted to explain demons’ ability to read spheres of influence; that Hotis might know more secrets now than they’d even given him credit for. “That guy is a liability.” Vax said. 

“We’ll put it on the list,” Scanlan said, flippant as usual. 

“I know, right next to the dragons,” Vex’ahlia said, sounding exhausted.

“He could have been following us for a while,” Keyleth suggested, a bit paranoid. She did not seem to understand how scrying worked. 

“He could rat us out to the dragons,” Vax added. “He’s fucking pissed off. He wants to hurt me, and now her, as badly as possible. All of you matter to us.” And he pointed around the group, once again careful not to look at Gilmore. He could only assume Vax had included him in that “all of you”. 

While they all talked, Gilmore cast another Cure Wounds on Vax. He was still bleeding, and didn’t seem to notice. Seeing it, Kima nudged Gilmore and cast a second, stronger Cure Wounds, getting Vax closer to full health. 

While the others strategized and prioritized, Gilmore and Kima continued to pass the flask back and forth. From the assassin’s corpse, they learned how many from the Clasp had been sent to Whitestone, and Vex’ahlia began to count them off. When she got stuck on the fifth, Gilmore raised his hand. “I actually have one that’s pretty rough in my place right now. I got a little angry.” When Keyleth shot him a concerned look, Gilmore made a ‘did I do that?’ face.

“Did you kill one or two?” Vex’ahlia asked.

“Oh, just one,” Gilmore said, as if that made it alright.

“So the only one that’s missing in action is the one that I pushed out the window.” Keyleth said. 

“Is there one that was left alive?” Gilmore asked. How foolish could these children be?

“Well, there was one that was shoved out a window, so hopefully he died,” Keyleth said, defensive.

“Hm. Sloppy,” Grog said, speaking Gilmore’s thoughts out loud.

“We’ll find out.” Gilmore said, trying not to be catty.

“I heard that, Grog,” Keyleth said. 

“Oh.” Grog coughed. “I said. ‘Super.’” 

“Good save!” Vex’ahlia told him.

“Thank you,” Grog whispered. Gilmore inched over to pat Grog’s arm in solidarity. 

“Alright,” Gilmore said, hoping discussion time was over. “Drinks? Please?” 

“Yeah!” Grog agreed, practically lifting Gilmore up in his enthusiasm. 

But it seemed they were not yet ready to drink. Gilmore heard his name on Scanlan’s lips and turned, trying to see what mischief he was up to this time. That was when Percy came over to Gilmore, brandishing a bloody garment. “This was given to Vax,” Percy said. “It was mystical. It was attached to his skin.”

“Peeling the skin off my flesh,” Vax explained, looking at Gilmore for perhaps the second time all night. 

Gilmore frowned. So that was where the injury to Vax’ildan’s back had come from. He leaned forward to retrieve the bloody fabric from Percival’s rifle. Passing one hand over the robe, he cast Identify. There was no good energy coming from the robe. In fact, Gilmore could sense how much pain it was meant to cause. “This is indeed a cursed robe,” he said, looking at Vax with concern. “It’s a Robe of Flaying.”

“Robe of Flaying?!” 

“Flaying?!” Grog and Vex’ahlia said together. 

“Yikes!” Pike exclaimed.

“Gross!” Vex’ahlia said. 

At the same time that Grog said, “Awesome.”

“Is it worth anything?” Scanlan asked, like the true sociopath he was.

Gilmore chuckled uncomfortably. If Scanlan thought Gilmore was going to let him sell it, he was sadly mistaken. “To the right people, maybe.” 

“The Clasp, yeah,” Vax muttered.

“We should see,” Percy suggested, showing the depth of his demonic corruption. 

“Oh, I don’t want to have any hand in this type of business,” Gilmore said, raising his hands and stepping away. “I only deal with aboveboard magical items. This is…”

“How do we destroy it?” Vex’ahlia asked. 

But Gilmore was too busy lecturing the two do-badders of the party. “You’ve gotten creative on me,” he accused, looking at Scanlan and Percival directly, “but even that was relatively harmless. This slowly takes the skin off of its wearer. I don’t wish to have this in my inventory.”

“We keep that for our next interrogation,” Grog said, smiling at the two trouble makers. Gilmore sighed. Their neutrality was so problematic at times.

“If we destroy it, though, will it hurt Vax?” Pike asked, sensibly. 

“Well, if you’ve removed it from him, then the enchantment’s been broken,” Gilmore explained. 

“So does it--do you have to--anyone you put it on, it curses them?” Scanlan asked, clearly having further plans for the object. 

“It sticks, it’s like fucking fly paper,” Vax said. 

“Keep that robe,” Scanlan said to Percy. 

“Yeah,” Grog agreed, ominously. “I’ll keep it.”

“In the bag of holding?” Vex asked. 

“Yeah,” Grog replied. 

Why were so many of them laughing? This was disturbing. 

“Yeah, it’s not a bad idea,” Vax agreed, breaking Gilmore’s heart. Had he really thought he could have been a paladin of Sarenrae? Ever? “In the right circumstances…”

Gilmore glanced toward Kima, who had one arm around Allura and was shaking her head. 

“Don’t play with it, Grog,” Vex’ahlia was instructing the Goliath.

“Why?” Grog asked.

“Don’t play with it,” Vax echoed.

“Why?” Grog asked, indignant.

“Just don’t put it on because you think it will be fun,” Vex said. 

“You look way better mostly naked,” Vax said, surprising Gilmore. Perhaps _he_ was the one who needed to worry about **Vax’s** wandering eye where Grog was concerned. 

“I’m not putting my bits where Vax’s were,” Grog grunted, apparently having donned the mantle of toxic masculinity once more. “I’ll just keep it in the bag.”

“That hurts my feelings,” Vax said, and Gilmore wondered at Vax’ildan’s ability to flirt with everyone tonight BUT Gilmore.


	3. Lift Me Up and Take Me Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vax asks Gilmore to Identify his new armor, and the two of them share a moment.

Vex’ahlia then recommended, very sensibly, that they should track the missing assassin through the nearby forest. “That’s a great idea,” Percy declared, perhaps too enthusiastically. “That’s a brilliant idea. Yes, please. Also, I might add, in theory, we have a wolf patrolling the area.”

“Yeah, Baldric’s like. Somewhere,” Grog added.

“And I’m sure he’s aware that there’s a commotion…”

As the others continued to make plans to track the missing assassin, Vax approached Gilmore for the first time since the awkward unreciprocated hug. 

“Shaun. You know--sorry.” He’d caught Gilmore mid-drink. 

“Yes?” 

“W-wai-wai-wait. Hand that over, big guy,” Vax said, reaching for the flask.

 _Big guy?!_ “But of course,” Gilmore said, passing it to him. “You’ve certainly earned it.”

“Yeah, thank you,” Vax took a drink before continuing. “You know everything about everything,” Vax began, signaling that Gilmore was about to be asked to analyze another magical item. Why was he beginning to feel like Vox Machina’s personal assistant?

“Well, I wouldn’t say I know everything about **every** thing,” Gilmore said, humbly. 

“It’s close,” Vax insisted.

“Between the two of us...” Gilmore gestured deferentially to Allura. “I’m pretty sure we know everything, but she more than I.” 

“I can’t agree with that,” Vax said, and he was not wrong, but Gilmore had been trying to be polite and maintain his cover somewhat. “We found this in a tomb,” Vax said, indicating his armor as though Gilmore had never seen the Deathwalker’s Ward before. “I kind of understand it. Can you tell anything about it?” 

“Other than the fact that it smells really bad?” Vex joked behind her hand in a stage whisper. 

“Yeah, it does smell bad,” Vax confessed. “Scanlan gave me some patchouli to rub on it, but it only does half the job.” Which was a bit of a silly thing to say, because Gilmore had cleaned it with Prestidigitation multiple times. But perhaps that was just for his sister, who clearly hadn’t been close enough to smell it since they’d come back from the tomb. 

“What can you tell me about it?” Vax asked. “It belonged to a god.” 

Gilmore took a good long moment, walking a slow circle around Vax, admiring the view--and also looking at the armor a bit. Because all eyes were on him now, Gilmore decided to give them the whole glorious show. He listened for the things no one else could hear: the language of the runes, the whispers of the dead. He took his time, reading the spells fully for the first time. And each time he learned something new, Gilmore’s deep brown eyes flared with violet fire. Funny how he and Vax had never thought to do this before--likely because they’d been too busy taking the armor **off** Vax to do much else. Finally, he cast Identify.

“This is a powerful Vestige, my friend,” Gilmore said. “This has existed for quite some time, and you’ve--Well, there’s certainly a bit of dark divine energy around it. It looks like it has the capability to resist most elements when given the instruction, and it safeguards the life of the wearer.” Gilmore looked more closely at the back plate for a moment. “And it looks like there’s some sort of a--” There was a unique facet of the armor that had just recently been activated; a further sign of the Raven Queen’s favor. Gilmore looked up at Vax. Showing was much more fun than telling. “Tell you what.”

“Yeah?” Vax asked, intensely interested in everything Gilmore had to say--as he should be. 

“Follow me.” Gilmore began to walk toward the castle gates, but then he noticed Vax was not following. He turned back to reassure him. “It’s really me this time! Follow me.” Gilmore beckoned for Vax to come along.

“I know it is,” Vax told him with a soft look, walking toward Gilmore. 

“Alright.” Gilmore led him out the front gates into the chill night air, stepping off the main road to follow the path around the castle that led to the cliffs that fell down to the ocean. The night air smelled amazing. Gilmore only wished he could take Vax into his arms. 

When Vax came up to stand beside him at the cliff’s edge, Gilmore pretended they were alone, just the two of them in the entire world and the sound of the waves crashing down below. Vax looked tired and sad. His eyes had that “hold me” look. And it was awful that Gilmore couldn’t do it. He couldn’t risk another heartbreaking reaction like the one he’d gotten earlier. Instead, Gilmore asked, “Do you trust me?” 

Vax nodded, apprehensive, before finally looking up at Gilmore with big doe eyes. “I do,” he whispered. And that was when Gilmore pushed him firmly off the cliff. Vax would thank him later. 

Gilmore watched, smiling with anticipation as Vax’ildan faded into the distance, falling toward the rocks below. Suddenly the giant black wings burst from his back, and he instinctively began to soar. Gilmore laughed, elated, as soon as he saw Vax had worked it out. Anyone watching would probably think he’d gone completely mad, but Gilmore remembered what it had felt like to fly for the first time. And now he could share that feeling with his darling boy. 

Vax swooped down out of sight, enjoying his newfound freedom. And then, not a minute later, Gilmore caught sight of black wings skimming back up the cliff face toward him. Vax grabbed Gilmore and took him with as he continued to swoop straight upwards, giddy. “You fucking brilliant bastard! Thank you! Thank you!” he cried.

Gilmore’s heart soared. It felt right now it was just the two of them, aiming for the moon, literally flying through the night sky together. Gilmore experienced a number of feelings at once in those moments. He’d never flown like this with a mortal. It was exhilarating and strange at once: having no wings, being carried by someone else. 

To be borne aloft by Vax, held in flight by the mortal he loved, it was intimate in a unique way that brought back memories of Gilmore’s first mating flight, when the world had been new and held so much promise, when he’d had hope for the future, and family, and love. The joyful panic in that moment, the exhilaration, the intimacy; a singular feeling of weightlessness, entwined with another in the most ancient of rituals. It had been centuries since Gilmore’s last mating flight, and he had not felt like this even then. 

He was brought out of the moment, sensing a sudden awkwardness in Vax, who flew back down, landing carefully and gently placing Gilmore’s feet back on solid ground. “Thank you.” After that, Gilmore was over-emotional. It was going to take him a moment to get himself together. 

“I’m sorry,” Vax apologized, self-conscious.

Gilmore rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. “No, it’s all right. I would have been fine.” He was the more capable flyer of the two of them, though Vax did not know that.

“You are a dear, dear friend,” Vax said awkwardly. “You are...a dear friend.” He made a great show of being platonic with Gilmore now they were back on the ground. Gilmore glanced back to see they had a most attentive audience, which perhaps explained Vax’ildan’s stand-offishness this time. 

But when he embraced Gilmore, Vax was trembling. Gilmore could feel how badly he wanted to be held. But with the others watching, would it be alright to hold Vax the way he would have if they were alone? Gilmore froze, torn. This was torture. Slowly, tentatively, Gilmore slid his arms around his darling boy. But oh, it hurt. It hurt to have to hug him so non committally because of their audience. It felt like walking on broken glass. 

If Gilmore had doubted the sincerity of Vax’ildan’s feelings for him, Vax’s newly fledged wings betrayed everything, enfolding both of them lovingly in a curtain of black feathers. For Gilmore, all of this--the giddying ups followed by crushing downs, the fear for Vax’ildan’s safety with a demon on the loose--was too much. He could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks.

Time stood still in the gentle night of Vax’ildan’s encircling wings. “Gilmore?” Vax looked up at him, sensing something was wrong. “Why are you crying?” Gilmore couldn’t speak, he just shook his head.

“I don’t want this…” It hurt too much for Gilmore to continue. 

“I don’t understand,” Vax said. But perhaps he did. Looking guilty, Vax stood on tip-toe and kissed Gilmore. As he pulled away, his arms slipping from around Gilmore, the dark wings scattered like leaves in the wind, a shower of ink in the night, fluttering away from them in all directions. 

Gilmore stepped back, giving Vax a friendly pat on the cheek, as one might do with an older child. “Glad you’re alright,” Gilmore said softly. But the unsaid words hung heavy between them.

Gilmore could read his reply to those unspoken words in Vax’ildan’s eyes. But because they were being watched, the words came out of his mouth twisted and bent, like a beautiful sword that’s been tossed into a thresher. “I am a great ally to you,” Vax said, awkwardly. “And if you need any favors, I am your friend.” 

Gilmore pressed his lips together. He’d heard Vax’s heart loud and clear, but these words... These words were a bastardization of the truth, and Gilmore would have preferred he not speak at all than say them. “That goes both ways,” Gilmore said, laughing, breathless, at the ridiculousness of this entire exchange, wiping at his tears. “Don’t forget that.” 

Their false non-moment was interrupted by Vex walking up and punching her brother repeatedly on the arm. “You--You flying fuck. You flying fuck!” Gilmore was quiet, watching them squabble like children. When Vex stormed off in a huff, Vax followed her. 

“Vex’ahlia.” Vax calmed his twin down with a hug. “I love you. I love you.” He said it twice for every time he’d not said it to Gilmore tonight. Gilmore sighed around the heartache. As they’d already begun walking away from him, Gilmore turned, considering just walking home at this point. 

But Vax called out to him one last time. “Hey, Shaun. Once in a while? All the time?”

“Once every dawn that can return to you,” Gilmore said.

“Oh, I’m glad I didn’t push you off the cliff!” Vex joked. “I almost did. Good to know.”

“Thank you, Shaun,” Vax said, sounding more sincere. 

“Anything that aids in keeping you safe,” Gilmore said, bowing his head. He felt certain Vax was about to reach out to him again, when they were interrupted by Percival.

“One last thing,” he said, walking up. Percy removed a silver raven’s head brooch and used it to secure the mantle around Vax’ildan’s shoulders. Gilmore’s nose twitched. What a strong scent. And unnecessary. “ _Now_ talk to Keyleth,” Percival instructed Vax. And Gilmore...Gilmore was speechless. Had no one else witnessed their lovers’ flight?


	4. Now Every One of Us Was Made to Suffer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kima and Gilmore return home to make sure Jarett didn't die and the house is not on fire. Kima gives Gilmore some free relationship advice.

In spite of Percy’s encouragement, Vax did not go to Keyleth, thoroughly distracted by his sister and his other friends beating him up and congratulating him by turns on his newfound ability. No one seemed to care that it was Gilmore that had revealed the wings to Vax in the first place. 

“Cheer up, Buttercup,” Kima said, coming to stand at Gilmore’s side. “Once they have time to settle in, he’ll give you a minute.” 

Gilmore sighed. “But what if I want more than a minute?” 

She poked him playfully. “Make better choices. Hey, I haven’t seen Sherri tonight. Did you leave her at home?” 

Gilmore paused.  _ Oh gods. Sherri. _ She was meant to be here with Zahra. But he hadn’t seen her when Vex had come back down to the grand hall with her lady friend in tow... “That’s a good question,” he said. “Come to think of it, I should really nip home and make certain Jarett is alright.” 

“Jarett?” Kima looked up at him. “What was Jarett doing at your house in the middle of the night?” And then she laughed. “Just kidding. I know exactly who he was doing.” 

“Kima.” Gilmore swatted at her, playfully. “If you must know, the demon attacked us before it got to the castle.” 

“Wait, what?” She looked up at him, pushing her bangs back to give him a good glare. “ **That’s** what you didn’t want to talk about earlier?!” 

Gilmore supposed he’d better come clean. “Jarett and I...we came upon the fiend this evening. It must have needed some of me to cast its illusion. It took my hair and knocked me out.”

“Well, that explains the head injury,” Kima said. “But, seriously, you let it knock you out?” 

“There was no  **let** about it,” Gilmore said. “We were surprised, and I was trying to protect Jarett.”

“Great, now he’ll really be in love with you,” Kima said, rolling her eyes.

“Yes, well, apart from that, one of the assassins came for us as well. And Jarett was wounded.” 

“He was?” Kima asked. “Well, where is he now?” 

Gilmore cringed. “I left him at home because Keyleth said Vax was in danger.” 

“You nitwit,” Kima said. “Come on, bamf us back there, so we can make sure he didn’t bleed out in the meantime.” She grabbed his wrist with both hands. 

“But what if--” Gilmore glanced over at Vax, who’d begun to move inside for the planned revelry.

“Just do it!” Kima said. Gilmore cast Teleport and brought them back into the wreckage of the drawing room. At least the curtains were no longer on fire. 

“Master Gilmore!” Sherri came running in from the kitchen. “Jarett said assassins attacked you, and then you just disappeared! I found your cane in the street.” She pointed to where it now rested against the couch. “We thought something happened to you!” 

Kima rolled her eyes and shook her head at Gilmore. He supposed it had been fairly irresponsible to leave the way he had. But Keyleth had taken advantage of his weak spot!

“Where’s loverboy?” she asked Sherri. 

“He’s lying down in the library.” She pointed behind her. “He lost a lot of blood. I tried to bandage him as best I could…”

Kima glared at Gilmore. “Seriously?” 

“Damn.” Gilmore felt terrible. “We’re coming, Jarett!” he called out, taking up his cane and walking as swiftly as he could toward the library. He arrived to find Jarett had made a mess of one of Gilmore’s prized velvet loveseats. But it wasn’t his fault, of course. 

Kima ran forward to cast a high level Cure Wounds. “Get me some hot water and linen, huh?” she asked Sherri. 

“Just water will do,” Gilmore said, conjuring some bandages from his room upstairs and handing them to Kima. 

“What the hell am I supposed to do with these?” she asked him. 

Gilmore pulled a large kerchief from his sleeve and sat down by the couch to put pressure on poor Jarett’s stab wound.  _ “I...was afraid...they took you,”  _ Jarett said, his head lolling on the cushion to look at Gilmore. 

_ “I’m so sorry, darling,” _ Gilmore said.  _ “There was trouble at the castle. I thought it was urgent--I should have told you I was leaving. I’m a terrible person. Can you forgive me?” _

_ “Just...glad...you’re alright,” _ Jarett said, his eyes drifting closed again. Gilmore very gently Laid Hands on him, feeling terrible. 

“You see what happens when you abandon your friends for a twink with his own support network?” Kima scolded him. 

“You’re right, of course.” Jarett’s rough state was all the scolding Gilmore needed. When Sherri returned with water, Gilmore heated it in his hands and held the bowl for Kima to work. Between the heals and first aid, there was less to bandage up by the end, but Kima did it anyway for good measure.

“He is off guard duty for a few days,” she said firmly. 

“Of course,” Gilmore said, watching Jarett slip into an exhausted sleep now his pain had receded.

“Master Gilmore,” Sherri said softly. “I’m going to put some food together. I have a feeling we’re not going to be sleeping any time soon, and if he wakes up…”

“Good idea, Sherri,” Kima said. Once Sherri had left, 

Kima turned, perched on the edge of the sofa, and gave Gilmore a look. “What the hell got into you today? Why didn’t you come get me?”

“I don’t know,” Gilmore said, rubbing his forehead. “It caught me unawares, there...it was lying in wait for us. And then Vax--”

“Yeah, hold on a second with that,” Kima said. “I heard something about the demon being disguised as you when it attacked Emo Elf. Is that true?” 

Gilmore nodded, reluctantly. “Tragically, yes. And you can hardly tell from the way he wants to be my bosom and very platonic friend now.” 

“What?” She looked surprised. “When did this happen?” 

Gilmore shrugged, feeling helpless. “Somewhere between dinner and now, it seems. But I presume that he understandably has a difficult time being...more than friendly with me after ‘I’ tried to kill him.” 

“No way,” Kima said. “Nuh-uh. I saw the way he picked you up and flew you around. He had his arms around you. The wings wrapped around the two of you. That’s not something friends do.”

“And yet,” Gilmore said bitterly. “It seems he would have his friends think it is.” 

Kima snorted. “I don’t think any of them are buying it.” 

“So long as Keyleth does, I don’t believe the others matter.”

“Yeah, what was that Percy said about ‘go talk to her?’” Kima asked. 

“I haven’t a clue. But I doubt it’s the same conversation he promised  _ me  _ he would have with her.” 

“He promised?” Kima asked, clearly having trouble believing a slippery rogue would promise anything.

“He said he would,” Gilmore said, defensive. 

She motioned for him to sit down next to her. Gilmore chose to sit on the floor rather than accidentally risk sitting on Jarett. “Boss,” she said, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. “Is it time?” 

“What do you mean?” Gilmore asked with trepidation.

“Is it time to set the twink free? Lots of other fish in the sea.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Some who kinda worship you. You lot like that sort of thing, don’t you? Kinda get off on it?” 

“Blind worship is overrated,” Gilmore said with a frown. 

“Sure,” Kima nodded. “So instead you choose the guys who treat you like dirt. Good workaround.” 

Gilmore put a hand to his chest. “I know that Vax’ildan loves me. When we’re together...alone...everything is fine. He’s begging me for--well, there is no question of our closeness. It’s just…”

“Because he’s closeted,” Kima nodded. “Sure, I’ve seen it plenty of times. No reason you have to put up with it, though.” 

Gilmore shook his head sadly. “People like you and I are few and far between,” Gilmore said. “There’s a great difference between saying one is attracted to the same sex and actually having a same sex partner for all the world to see… It’s...honestly, it’s not for me to dictate when or how he reveals that to his friends.” 

“You know,” Kima said. “There was a girl I went through training with. Easy on the eyes. Good between the sheets. Only she never looked at me in practice, if someone else could see. Never sat with me in the dining hall, never studied alone with me in the library. It was only when nobody else was around that she loved me. And one day, I asked myself: Kima, if she only loves you when no one else can see, does she really love you?” She looked at the floor and shook her head. “It hurt to let that one go, let me tell you. But Allie. Allie kissed me the first day I met her. In the middle of a crowded fair. Allie didn’t give a shit what anyone else thought--anyone but me.” 

Gilmore smiled sadly. “She is a singular woman.”

“Damn right,” Kima said. 

“We should go, so that Jarett can get his rest,” Gilmore said. 

“And so that we can get hammered,” Kima declared. “Drinks on de Rolo tonight!” 

“What?” Sherri said, pausing in the doorway, holding a charcuterie board on a tray.

“I don’t know how much I really feel like drinking anymore,” Gilmore said, watching Jarett. 

“Fuck that,” Kima declared. “You’re coming, and you’re matching me drink for drink, or else. And, hey. I promise I’ll lure the kids away from your elf boi so you can get a private word, if you want. I’ll demand music! And we’ll pair off for dancing.”

Gilmore was starting to get a little wary of this raucous party Kima was planning. “It sounds as though you have quite the celebration planned.”

“Trust me, when you travel with that bunch--and there aren’t even as many of them as there used to be--You learn ways to manage the chaos. Come on!” she said, standing and tugging his arm. 

“Well...I should at least go and check in with Cassandra,” Gilmore said, reluctantly. 

“Something happened to Cassie?” Sherri asked, setting the tray down near Jarett. 

“I fear she may have had a run in with the demon as well,” Gilmore said. _ To put it mildly. _

“Oh no!” Sherri said. “We have to find her!” 

“Well…” Gilmore began. “She is found, and seems well, but I’d still like to speak with her to make sure.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Kima asked.

“I’ll get my riding cloak,” Sherri said. “That is--if you think I’d be welcome.” 

“Come now,” Gilmore said. “No one will turn you away.”

“If they try, I’ll kick their ass!” Kima said, waving for Sherri to follow them. 

“Alright,” Sherri said. Before they left the house, Gilmore dashed off a quick note to Jarett--in Marquesian--and tucked it into one of his hands. 

Sherri donned her riding cloak and walked a step or two behind them as Gilmore stumped up the road with his cane and Kima took quick strides to keep pace with his longer legs. “What happened at the castle, anyway?” Sherri asked. “There have been shouts of assassins, and the guards searching the streets. I ran home as soon as the commotion started.” As they walked, Gilmore recounted for her all that he cared to share, leaving out the bit with Cassandra being mind controlled and attacking Jarett, and Vax’ildan’s new wings, which she would doubtless feel were wasted on him. 

“I still can’t believe they sent an assassin to kill you,” Sherri said.

“Us, too,” Kima said. “Figure they wanted to take out all of the heavy hitters in the city.”

“Thank gods Jarett was there with you,” Sherri said.

“Er...yes. Jarett was very brave,” Gilmore said.

“You realize you owe him now,” Kima said, elbowing Gilmore with a grin. 

“You know, I don’t think I mind?” he replied, thoughtful.


	5. Every One of Us Was Made to Weep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilmore checks on Cassandra and gets into an argument with Vax.

When they got to the castle, Gilmore waved the girls ahead so that he could go find Cassandra. “You sure?” Kima asked. 

“Yes...there’s something private I need to speak with her about. I promise I’ll come find you right after.” 

“You’d better,” Kima said, pointing a threatening finger at him. 

“I wouldn’t dream of disappointing you,” Gilmore said with a flirtatious smile. 

“Master Gilmore?” Sherri said, hesitantly. “Would you mind? Can you give this to Lady Cassandra for me?” She held out a sealed bit of parchment. This was a bit odd. Gilmore couldn’t say he wasn’t curious about it, but he knew how to be discreet. 

“Of course.” 

“Thanks.” She handed it over, looking away before he could read her expression.

“Come on, toots,” Kima said, offering Sherri her arm. 

“Lady Kima, stop!” Sherri said, giggling and taking her elbow. 

“I don’t know why you play so hard to get,” Kima teased, as they walked away. Gilmore raised an eyebrow, deciding it was best not to get involved. 

Somehow, he knew Cassandra would not be celebrating with the others. He inquired as to her whereabouts with one of the servants, who said they had last seen her in the study. When he arrived, the door was closed, so Gilmore gently rapped on it. 

“Please, I’ve asked not to be disturbed,” she called out from within. That sounded serious.

When Gilmore tried the doorknob, it was not locked, so he let himself in. “I’m sorry, my dear,” he said, turning around to shut the door behind him. “I understand you’d want to be left alone after--” 

She moved across the room with lightning speed, arriving even before he could finish his sentence. Cassandra clutched Gilmore’s robes, desperate with anxiety. “Captain Howarth--is he alright? They couldn’t find him anywhere. Please tell me I did not kill him.” 

“You didn’t kill him,” Gilmore told her, gripping her shoulder reassuringly. 

“Oh, thank Pelor,” Cassandra said, slouching with relief. 

“Are  **you** alright?” he asked softly. 

She could not look Gilmore in the eye. “How can you ask me that after what I did?” As he’d expected, she was beating herself up quite badly. 

“Cassie,” Gilmore said gently, putting one arm around her. “I’m an Arcanist; I know how such spells work. And you were already at a disadvantage to resist after all of the inroads Sylas made into your mind over those five years. To blame yourself would be...misinformed.” She dared to glance at him then and leaned slightly against Gilmore, accepting comfort. 

“I harmed someone I consider an ally. I put you at the mercy of a demon. I don’t think I can forgive myself for that.” She was wringing her hands, which Gilmore was starting to think was her signature move. 

“Will you allow me to forgive you then?” he asked. 

Cassandra put her face in her hands and wept, disappointed and embarrassed. Gilmore pulled her into a proper hug. “Where Vox Machina goes, chaos and death follow. Fortunately, you are immune to one of those things.” He tucked a long brown curl behind her ear. “There will be much worse to come, I think,” Gilmore said. “So you can’t give up now.”

“I won’t give up!” Cassandra told him firmly, looking up, her eyes flashing defiance. “de Rolos never give up!”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Gilmore said. He spied a bottle of wine on the nearby table. “Let’s have a seat so we can talk, shall we?” Gilmore guided her toward the fireplace, making certain it was really wine before pouring some and offering the glass to her. 

“No, I couldn’t possibly,” she said, waving it off. 

“Well, I hope you don’t mind if I do,” Gilmore said,  chugging the entire glass. 

“No, please do.” She said, nonjudgmentally, slumping into a chair. 

“So,” Gilmore said, taking the one next to her. “Would you like to talk about what happened?” 

Cassandra shrugged. “I don’t honestly remember. I was in my chambers, going over the taxes, and suddenly there was a man I’d never seen before standing there. He said, ‘come with me’ and that’s all I can clearly recall.”

“Nothing else?” Gilmore asked. 

Cassandra shook her head. “Just fuzzy images, really. Like a dream. I remember you were there, and the captain was there...oh yes, he hit me on the head!” Then she became very quiet. 

“He shouldn’t have done that,” Gilmore said. Both because hitting vampires with rocks was not an effective strategy, and also because assaulting one’s employer was never a good idea. 

She looked so remorseful. “He was trying to save you. I think it was very brave.” 

“It was at that,” Gilmore said. Jarett really was trying every method to win his heart.

“I just wish I had not attacked him,” she said, fretful. 

“You were not yourself,” Gilmore reassured her. 

“I--I wanted to kill him. Why? Why was I so angry?” 

“It could have been the result of your unconscious frustration at being controlled,” Gilmore suggested. “Only you were unable to take it out on your tormentor.” 

“Either way,” Cassandra said, looking down at her knees. “Thank you for stopping me.” 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more,” Gilmore said. “I was completely unprepared. I’m rather ashamed of my utter failure, actually.” 

“No, you shouldn’t be,” she said, looking up at him, the firelight reflected in her eyes. “No one could have predicted a demon attack.” She sniffled a bit, reaching for her handkerchief. “I just...had no idea someone could do that to me again, so easily.” 

“Oh, my dear.” Gilmore leaned forward to squeeze her hand.

“It’s unbearable,” she said, dabbing her eyes. “Will I never be free of Lord Briarwood’s influence?

“In time, and with some targeted healing, I think so. And, to be fair, demons are very good at that sort of thing. Mind control is a demonic specialty, one might say. It’s possible you would have fallen victim to it regardless of your history.” 

“I don’t know if that makes me feel any better,” she said.

“No, I suppose it wouldn’t.” Gilmore patted her hand. “But rest assured, we are all fine. No harm was done to Jarett that a few days rest and healing won’t cure.” 

“A few days?!” she looked up, concerned.

“Ah, if you hadn’t heard, an assassin was sent after us as well.”

“How horrible!” she said. “What an awful night you’ve had!”

Gilmore smiled sadly. “I think it’s safe to say we’ve all had an awful night.” He glanced at the door, hearing the music from the ballroom begin drifting down the hall. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like to come join me and the others in a bit of merriment?” 

“Oh, I couldn’t,” Cassandra said. “I’m too frightened to be around people right now. I feel like they’ll know just by looking at me.”

“But you must know that’s not true,” Gilmore said. 

Cassandra shrank a little bit into her collar. “Perhaps, but I just feel everyone is safer if I’m here right now.” 

“Well, I won’t pressure you, my dear. But if you change your mind…” Gilmore had a thought. Cassandra was not the only de Rolo he meant to speak with before going home tonight. “Would you happen to know where Percival is?” 

“Well, Percy doesn’t check in with me,” Cassandra said. “But if he’s not with his friends, he’s usually in his workshop.” 

Gilmore really should have thought of that. “Thank you. I’d like to have a quick word with him at some point this evening.” She looked nervous. “About personal matters regarding his recent experiences away from Whitestone,” Gilmore said. “Have no fear, my dear. Your secret is safe with me.” 

She nodded. “Of course.” Then Cassandra hesitated. “If you find me listening to your conversation...please don’t be offended. I trust you, but Percy shares so little with me. You have a way of speaking to people’s hearts, Gilmore. I would love to know more of what’s in my brother’s. He’s like a stranger to me now. A beloved one, to be sure, but…”

Gilmore smiled. “You have my permission to eavesdrop, if that’s what you’re asking. But first, I promised Kima a dance, and she will  **find** me if I stand her up.” 

Cassandra smiled a little at that, as Gilmore began walking toward the door. “Oh! I nearly forgot.” He withdrew Sherri’s letter from his sleeve. “I promised Sherri I’d deliver this.” Gilmore walked back to her, sliding it across the table toward Cassandra. 

“From Sherri?” Cassandra said, taking it and quickly hiding it in her apron without so much as looking at it.

“Presumably,” Gilmore said. “She declined to mention.” 

“Thank you,” Cassandra said, nodding. “That’s very kind.” 

“Is it?” Gilmore asked, his curiosity flaring up once more. “Well, at any rate.” He bowed. “Good evening, Lady de Rolo.” 

“Goodnight--Gilmore.” She waved to him, looking small and frail. But Gilmore remembered how strong she had been earlier this evening. What she needed was some soul healing. But he couldn’t think of any such expert close by to Whitestone. Yet another problem to solve for later.

*

When he entered the ballroom, Gilmore found Kima and Sherri dancing a gavotte with Vex’ahlia and Zahra. Grog, Pike, and Keyleth were sitting together, drinking, and Vax was nowhere to be seen. Gilmore wondered if he’d decided not to come. And if so, what the point of being here was for Gilmore. Well, he supposed he could at least wait for the girls to finish dancing and take his leave properly. 

Gilmore chose an abandoned set of chairs in a charmingly candle-lit corner to enjoy some peace and quiet for a few moments after the insane evening he’d had. But no sooner had Gilmore taken a seat than Vax appeared. 

“Shaun,” he began. Just the name put Gilmore’s teeth on edge. “I wanted to speak with you...I’m afraid...the way I treated you earlier may have sent the wrong message.” 

“You don’t say,” Gilmore drawled, glancing out the window. He wasn’t feeling particularly forgiving at the moment. 

From the reflection, Gilmore could see Vax had put on his pleading eyes. “Shaun, I care about you very much.” 

“How romantic of you, Vax’ildan,” Gilmore said, dryly. 

“I do.” Vax persisted. “And I want you to know I did try to speak with Keyleth, but I just couldn’t.”

“What does that mean?” Gilmore asked, glancing back at him. 

“I don’t know,” Vax said, looking down at the floor. “Maybe it’s a sign?”

Gilmore was very close to losing his temper. 

“I mean...if she wants me...if she’ll have me…” Vax rocked back and forth on his heels, thumbs hooked in his pockets. 

“Go on,” Gilmore said, his voice grown cold. “If she’ll have you, then...this is goodbye?” 

“No!” Vax looked up at him, desperate. “That’s not what I want at all!” 

“Then what?” Gilmore sat back in his chair. “You can’t bring yourself to talk to her about me. And if she’ll have you, that seems to be your happy ending. Isn’t that what you were about to say?” 

Vax shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “Maybe I don’t deserve a happy ending,” he mumbled. 

“What if I did take up with Grog?” Gilmore asked, trying to make a point. “How would that make you feel? As a ‘dear friend.’ Who ‘cares about me very much’?”

Vax’s looked hurt. “I suppose I would deserve it.”

“Try to put aside your self-hatred for a moment,” Gilmore said, reaching for Vax’s wrist. When he did not pull away, Gilmore gently grabbed him and pulled Vax closer. “How would you feel if...things were as they were, and I simply took up with Grog, but said nothing to either of you about what that meant.” 

“I would feel…” Vax looked down at the floor. “Jealous. Hurt. Angry. I’d probably...I’d probably think you didn’t love me anymore.” 

“Ridiculous,” Gilmore said. “But continue. Would you want to know what it meant?” Vax nodded, beginning to lose his words. 

“But would you be able to ask me?” Gilmore looked to Vax for an answer, but Vax just shrugged. Gilmore tugged him into his lap. Vax was upset enough by now, he did not resist, or give in to the embarrassment of being seen publicly receiving affection from Gilmore. 

“So.” Gilmore began again, looping his arms around Vax’ildan’s waist. “If Keyleth will have you...you’ll go to her, and then it doesn’t matter if I take up with Grog. Right?” 

“No,” Vax said, sullen, leaning against Gilmore. 

“Then what?” Gilmore asked. “You go off with Keyleth and I die old and alone here in Whitestone?” 

Vax glanced up at him, his eyes still pleading. “I don’t want that.” 

“Then what?” Gilmore asked. “Tell me what you want.”

Vax shrugged. “Why can’t it just...stay the way it is now?” 

Gilmore was done with this charade. “Now? You mean when you can’t even tell me ‘I love you’ outside the bedroom?” He watched as Vax ducked his head and glanced around to see if others could hear. “Vax’ildan.” Gilmore inhaled deeply, shutting his eyes, knowing that losing his temper was only going to compound the problem right now. “You made me a promise,” Gilmore said, opening his eyes. “Do you remember?” 

Vax wasn’t leaning against him anymore. But at least he hadn’t gotten out of Gilmore’s lap, either. “I do,” he said, looking like a nervous horse about to bolt. 

“And now you’re telling me you have to break that promise. That it’s a promise you can’t keep, is that correct?” 

Vax shook his head. “I don’t...I’m honestly not sure.”

“But you have, in fact, broken your promise to me,” Gilmore said. “And the way you treated me earlier...the way you spoke to me in order to maintain the lie for your friends, that hurt me. Do you understand that? It felt like a denial of our love, and I’d just as soon you’d plunged one of your daggers into my breast.” 

“I’m sorry.” Vax looked down at the floor. “I keep hurting you. I don’t mean to...I just keep doing it… You’re probably better off without me.” 

“That’s not for you alone to decide,” Gilmore told him. “Using that to break it off with me is just an excuse. A coward’s way out. If you do not love me anymore, at least do me the courtesy of telling me directly.” 

“But that’s not how I feel,” Vax whispered, his voice trembling with emotion. He glanced around, seemingly feeling the eyes of others upon them. Before Gilmore could say another word, Vax hopped out of his lap and disappeared. One moment he was right there, and the next, he was simply gone. 

Gilmore slumped back in his chair. “...Fuck.” 


	6. We've Been Hurting One Another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilmore has had all he can stands, and he can’t stands no more. He goes to find Keyleth.

It was about that time Kima walked over, passing Gilmore a stein of mead. “That looked like it went well,” she said, sitting down, keeping things low-key, sensing he was about to erupt. 

“Fuck!” he cursed again. Kima sat back, quietly drinking her mead. 

Gilmore glanced around the room. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. Well, everyone except Allura, who’d been waylaid by Eskil, who was talking her ear off the way he often ambushed Gilmore to do. “You may need to go save your sweetheart,” Gilmore murmured to Kima.

“Nope,” Kima said, not even glancing in their direction. “She told me not to bother them once, so now she’s on her own.” 

“Revenge, hmm?” he asked.

“I am petty and I am not sorry,” Kima said, raising her stein to him in a toast. Gilmore chuckled and mirrored her gesture. 

“And Sherri? Did she choose to go on dancing?” He glanced over at the dancers, but did not see her there. 

“Nope. Said she had to go find somebody.” When he looked at her, Kima shrugged. “I filed it under NMDB: None of My Damn Business.”

“Interesting,” Gilmore said. But he was only half-listening to her. He was feeling restless. There was something he had to do; and he knew he would not be able to relax until he did. 

Gilmore spied Keyleth trying her best to duplicate the results she’d gotten at Howarth’s so many weeks ago, enthusiastically imbibing anything she was given. She was up against Grog and Pike, who were the best at handling their drink of any in the party. 

Well, this was it. It might be the best chance Gilmore had. He levered himself up off the chair, nodded to Kima, and strode over toward the three revelers. Grog saw him coming, and greeted Gilmore with a big smile. “Gilmore!” he raised his mug to Gilmore in greeting. 

“Drink with us, Gilmore!” Pike invited him. 

Keyleth gave what had become her usual awkward greeting, her smile nearly a wince. “Hey, Gilmore.” 

“Thank you, Mistress Pike, but I’ll take a raincheck on that generous offer for now. I’ve actually come to speak with our Ashari princess.” He looked at the druid. “May I have a moment of your time?” 

“Oh.” Grog looked disappointed. “How come Gilmore never comes to talk to me?” he asked Pike, as she took his hand and towed him away so that Gilmore and Keyleth could have some privacy. 

“You could ask him to dance,” Pike suggested. “Now that there’s music.” 

“Aw. You know I can’t dance all fancy-like,” Grog said. 

“I’d love to dance with you, Grog!” Gilmore called after them. “I’ll come find you later, shall I?” 

“Oh--well.” Grog stopped, half turning back. “Can you teach me?” 

“It might be fun to try,” Gilmore said with a smile. 

Grog looked down at Pike with barely-suppressed glee. “Gilmore said he’d teach me to dance!”

“Yaaaay!” Pike clapped her hands. Gilmore offered a flirtatious wave and let them go. Then it was time to get down to business. 

He turned back to Keyleth, taking a seat opposite her. “I was hoping, my dear, that we might entertain some conversation continuing in the spirit with which you came to me earlier this evening. That being of mutual interest and cooperation.”

She stared at him like a deer before the hunter. 

“What I mean is...I’ve noticed your demeanor toward me changed shortly before the fall of Emon. I believe I know why. And I want you to know, there’s no reason the two of us should be at odds...or nervous of one another, or uncomfortable in each other’s presence. Am I making any sense?” 

“I think so,” Keyleth said, nodding. 

“Of course I know of what’s transpired between yourself and Vax’ildan in that time.”

“You do?” she said, looking terrified and swallowing nervously. 

“Most of it, yes. Though I’m not certain you know what’s gone on between Vax’ildan and myself.” He watched her closely for any sign of comprehension.

“Oh. Well.” She glanced away, embarrassed. “I think we all sort of...found out afterwards what Vax told you...that night.”

“Of course.” Gilmore tried not to be annoyed. “And you were there--had a direct hand in, I am told--when I nearly died of my wounds after dueling Thordak.” 

She nodded, looking solemn.

“Then you may recall how emotional Vax’ildan became, seeing me so close to death.” She nodded. “Did you think about why that might be?” 

“Well.” She ducked her head. “He loved you.”

“He still does.” Gilmore wanted her to use the proper tense. Denial wasn’t going to help any of them. 

Now she looked up and paid more close attention. “W--as a friend?--I know. Gilmore, you’re important to all of us. And your relationship with Vax, well, it’s the closest of all.”

“I hope you understand the truth of that statement. But I have a feeling you don’t fully grasp the situation.” It was fairly obvious, in fact, that she did not. 

Keyleth started to become offended. “Well, what do you mean? Vax and I, we’ve had a lot of talks, and--even though it’s hard for me--we’re really close now. We’ve started this...our relationship has changed. I’m having trouble getting used to it, but I think I want it... I don’t **not** want it. I just--”

“Keyleth,” he stopped her babbling. “I do not have that same trouble. Do you understand?” 

She tilted her head a little, sympathetic. “Of course you don’t. I want you to know--I didn’t tell him to break up with you; to tell you any of that. That wasn’t my idea.” 

“I know, my dear.” Still, she was not getting the point. “As I said, loving Vax’ildan is not difficult for me. And that has not changed for either of us.”

She looked away, hurriedly. “I can’t--I’m not ready. I have to work through it--did he tell you to come talk to me about this?” She looked up, unhappy. 

“Keyleth.” Gilmore said, raising his voice a little. “Vax’ildan and I love each other. I’m asking if you would consider sharing him.”

Her mouth hung open and just stayed that way. “No, that’s...Vax said--he told me--”

“I believe, for some, a lie of omission is not considered an untruth.” Gilmore waited for it to sink in. 

“No, that’s--” Denial. _Perfect_. “He’s been with us this whole time. How could he--? And he said--that tonight, when Hotis...that he was being kind to you. Because you’re still sweet on him…”

Gilmore clenched his jaw. “Is that what he said?” 

“Well... I mean, you are, right? You're not denying it.”

“I think...if he’s intentionally given you the impression that this affection is a one-way affair, he owes you an apology.”

“What?!” The denial was strong, but now Keyleth was getting angry. 

Gilmore sighed. “It is possible to love more than one person.”

“Well I know that!” she said, glancing guiltily at Vex, who was still dancing with Zahra. “But...you have to choose...right? That’s what people do. That’s what everyone does?” 

“It is not, in fact. What everyone does,” Gilmore informed her. “Look into it, if you don’t believe me.”

“No, I…” He could see the wheels in her head starting to turn. “Back home, in my tribe...there are children who have multiple parents...I never really thought of why before, or how it worked.” 

“Will you at least consider it?” Gilmore asked. “For the sake of my sanity? Vax’ildan seems to be under the impression that he has to hurt me in order to gain your affection and approval. And quite frankly, it’s exhausting.” 

She looked at him, and he could see she felt bad. “For me? But I don’t want anyone to hurt anyone! Especially not for me!”

“I’m glad to hear you say it out loud.” Now if only Vax was here…

“Gilmore.” She shook her head. “You have to know, I never meant that. I never told him--I never wanted to--”

“I know, my dear,” Gilmore said. “I know.” He sighed. “What I would like is if this…” he waved a hand. “Unspoken rivalry could just be swept away. Through a mutual agreement. I believe that would benefit all of us.” 

She nodded, starting to think it through. “I’ll try. I’ll think about it. Honest.”

“I appreciate that,” Gilmore said.

“But I’ll have to talk to Vax,” she said, with a sincere look of concern that showed she had no damned clue what was going on in the boy’s head. Gilmore almost felt sorry for her. 

“Er...a word of caution,” Gilmore said. “Don’t go into it with any expectations other than...he does not like to speak about his feelings, he has an abiding sense of self-hatred, and he thinks that if you knew he loved me, you would not want him.” 

Keyleth stared at him. “I was the one who used to encourage him to go after you!” 

That surprised Gilmore. “You did?” 

“Yes!” And now she looked angry. “Why would he think I would judge him for that?”

Gilmore held up his hands in surrender. “An excellent question. Perhaps the aforementioned self-loathing?” 

She was scowling now. “Well I--have half a mind to talk to him right now!” 

Gilmore put out a hand, bidding her to hold that thought. “It’s been a difficult night. Perhaps...give yourselves a moment to breathe.”

Keyleth nodded, reluctantly. “Honestly, Gilmore...I thought you hated me because...well I’m really relieved that you don’t.” 

Gilmore hesitated, perhaps a moment too long. “In an ideal world, sharing would not be something I do in cases such as this.” Her eyes grew sad. “But. I believe this circumstance calls for it. And I would rather be part of three than none at all.” 

“I’m really glad to hear you say that,” Keyleth said, looking relieved. “Put ‘er there.” She held out one of her flaming fists with trademark awkwardness. Gilmore stood, bypassing the offered handshake in order to embrace her instead. She seemed to need it. So many emotionally stunted Tal’Doreians. “Thanks,” she said, clumsily patting him on the back.

“Well,” Gilmore said, straightening up and leaning on his cane, feeling there might yet be hope in the world. “Now that that’s done, I believe I owe Grog a dance.” He turned to look for where Pike and Grog had gone. They were already on the dance floor, having a lovely time, drunk as skunks, with Pike balanced on Grog’s shoulders as he mimicked the dancing. 

“Truly, Keyleth.” Gilmore turned back to her one more time. “Thank you for this--for even considering. Not everyone would.”

Keyleth just nodded, wearing her Serious Leader expression. “I’m not everyone.” 

“I’ve noticed.” Gilmore gave her a wink and sauntered away toward the dancers.


	7. The Sun's Still Shining in the Big Blue Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vex’ahlia reveals a secret that shocks even Gilmore, and Grog learns to waltz. Tale as old as time?

“Gilmore!” Vex’ahlia said, intercepting him on his way there. “Or I suppose I should say Shaun,” she corrected herself. 

“If I’m very honest,” Gilmore said, putting his arm around her shoulders. “I prefer Gilmore.” 

“Oh, well.” She smiled. “That’s easy.” 

“Just as you say. Were you looking for me, my dear?” 

“As a matter of fact,” Vex said, folding her arms across her chest in a playfully pouty way. “I’ve a bone to pick with you, darling.” 

_Oh gods._ What bargain had he not given her a good enough deal on this time? “Should I sit down for this?” 

Vex looked guilty for a moment. “Actually...probably. I know you hurt yourself picking up my stupid brother earlier. You know, I know you love him, but you really spoil him too much. Don’t hurt yourself on his account.” 

_If she only knew_ , Gilmore thought. But Vex’ahlia kindly guided him over to the seating arrangement by the hearth and helped Gilmore sit down--though he did not need it, it was sweet of her to fuss. “Now, my dear. What exactly was it you wanted to speak with me about?” 

“You didn’t embrace me when we came home earlier today. This evening. Whatever--you know what I mean. You hugged nearly everyone else.” 

“I didn’t?” Gilmore thought back. He’d congratulated her on slaying Umbrasyl...had he forgotten to embrace her? Perhaps his pricklyness over the subject had betrayed him after all. “My dear. How remiss of me! Embrace me.” 

She laughed, diving into his arms. Vex’ahlia gave him a good squeeze, her smile brightening. “That’s better!” She let go and straightened up. “Now look, I understand your obsession with my brother. But don’t forget me again! Or I may not forgive you.”

“Horrors!” Gilmore declared, raising both hands to his cheeks, and then breaking into a bright smile. “But I am sorry, my dear. I think I was just so overwhelmed to see all of you again. I hope you know, I do consider you family.” 

That stunned her into silence for a few seconds. “Oh, Gilmore!” she cried, launching herself at him again and hugging him tightly. 

“There, there” Gilmore said, rubbing her back. “All is mended. Now, come sit beside me.” He patted the loveseat next to him. “I feel there’s much we have to catch up on.” 

Vex tucked her hands under herself as she sat down. “Well, now that you mention it, there was _one_ thing in particular I meant to talk to you about.”

“Oh?” How unlike her brother she looked. Even their profiles were different. Yet she was no less beautiful in her own way. Gilmore hoped she knew that. He really did. It would help, of course, if she had someone to tell her so on a regular basis. Gilmore glanced over at Zahra, who was currently dancing with that rotten Kashaw. 

“Yes, well. I hope you don’t think me indelicate.” Vex looked at the armrest next to her. “You see, Scanlan told a lie about you while we were in Westruun. That’s why my brother threw that fit.” She glanced up at him. “I hope Vax apologized and let you know it was all a misunderstanding. I told him to, but he’s so damn stubborn.” 

“He may have told me a little of it,” Gilmore said. “But...would you mind recounting for me just what happened? So I know if I’m entitled to any revenge against Scanlan, you understand.” 

“Oh, hah hah.” She smiled. But Gilmore wasn’t joking (only she didn’t need to know that). 

“I’m all ears, my dear.”

“Well, you see. After that time you came to give Grog a little checkup...that’s right, he died! So you came to make certain everything was alright--which was very thoughtful of you, darling. But I suppose--oh, wait. I forgot.” She turned to him and put her hand on Gilmore’s arm. “I’m sorry he kissed you without your consent.” 

Gilmore smiled. “Well, it’s hardly as though you’re responsible for Grog’s actions.” 

“Yes, I know. But it’s not fun when it happens. So I’m sorry it happened.” 

That was very kind of her. “Well, as non consensual kisses go, it certainly wasn’t the worst I’ve had,” Gilmore said. “And after I explained it to him, he did ask the second time.” 

“Second time?” Vex’ahlia’s voice rose in surprise. 

“Yes, well.” Gilmore chuckled. “Once tasted, I’m hard to resist.”

Vex’ahlia laughed, delighted by the turn of phrase. “Oh, but Grog--is there something between you and Grog now?” she asked, looking concerned. 

“Little more than a schoolboy crush, I think,” Gilmore said. “But don’t tell Scanlan.” He put a finger to his lips. “I would hate to see him make fun of Grog again. He’s rather sensitive for a barbarian.” 

“True. No, that is true; you’re right.” She glanced sidewards at Gilmore. “But my brother doesn’t have anything to worry about, does he? I convinced him he was being jealous for nothing.” 

“Was that you?” Gilmore took her hand. “Then I owe you a debt of gratitude, my dear. Even I have trouble controlling his moods.” 

“I knew it,” Vex said, smiling and sitting back, relaxing a little. “I knew you wouldn’t see someone else without telling him. Though, honestly, if you did, he would deserve it.” 

Gilmore sighed. So much to say, and so much she didn’t know. “Oh, I know you love him,” she said, squeezing his hand. “But he gets so funny about things--I suppose we both do.” 

“Nonsense,” Gilmore said. “You’ve always been open about your feelings. I think it’s courageous of you. Clearly you both had terrible experiences in your youth. I suppose this is Vax’ildan’s way of dealing with that trauma.” 

“Trauma?” For a moment, it looked like Vex might argue with Gilmore about his word choice. But then she thought on it for a moment. “Is that what that was?” 

“What else would you call it?” Gilmore asked.

“I don’t know,” she smiled, wan. “Just a shitty childhood, I suppose.” 

“Well, then, congratulations on surviving a shitty childhood with the ability to love and be loved,” Gilmore said, brushing her hair back. Why was hers so much more wavy than her brother’s?

Vex looked awkward for a moment. Had they received no praise growing up in Syngorn? “Well,” she glanced at him. “If I may say so, congratulations putting up with a hard-headed idiot like my brother. I mean, you must have a lot of other options.”

Gilmore tilted his head. “True. But I have grown very attached to him. And the rest of you, of course.” He squeezed her hand. Vex’ahlia smiled up at him like she hadn’t expected him to say that. She had that same lost kitten look at the back of her eyes that her brother did. “Speaking of which: What’s this I hear about Percy?”

“Percy?” He saw her draw her persona more tightly around herself. “What about Percy?” 

Gilmore smirked, seeing her try to wriggle out. “About **you** and Percy.” 

“Percy and me? Oh, whatever gave you that idea? Don’t be silly, Gilmore. Percy’s the lord of Whitestone. And a good friend. Perhaps I’ll be maid of honor at his wedding when he finds some...adequately high-born woman to marry.” 

Gilmore raised an eyebrow. “You seem to have given this some thought.” 

Vex shrugged, as though trying to shrug off the discomfort. “Well, I think most of them will, don’t you? I mean it depends what you and Vax decide--if you’re able to put up with him for that long. But Percy, especially, has an obligation to his people and...whatever.” She waved a hand at the ballroom. 

“That hardly seems fair,” Gilmore said. “What about what Percy wants?” 

“I’m sure Percy would be the first to tell you that high birth is a burden and a duty that can’t be avoided.” As she spoke, Vex did a vague Percy impression, and it was adorable. 

“You mean even the most powerful man in the town doesn’t get to marry for love?” Gilmore asked, hinting. 

“I should think he most of all couldn’t. But. Obviously, I have little experience with such things.” 

“You’d be surprised,” a soft voice said behind them. They both turned to see Salda standing there in a beautiful but understated gown, given her station, her hair and makeup back to its former glory. “Empress!” Vex tried to bow and nearly hit her head on the back of the loveseat. 

“What was that you were saying, your highness?” Gilmore asked, inviting her into the conversation. 

“Well, pardon me for interrupting, but.” She walked around to face them. “Sometimes the king can marry for love. If it’s important enough to him. There is always a way.” She nodded. 

“There, you see?” Gilmore looked back at Vex. Empress Salda deftly exited their private conversation with practiced aplomb and decorum, and a small wave.

“Still. I fail to see what any of this has to do with me,” Vex’ahlia said. “I mean, for Percy...that’s good to know. But good luck convincing him. You know as well as I do, Gilmore, that he can’t be told a thing he doesn’t already think he knows.” 

Gilmore chuckled. “Well put.” He stroked his goatee. “However. It means he may have already given his heart free reign. As a matter of fact, didn’t he give Whitestone to Cassandra?”

“Oh, maybe in title,” Vex said, looking down and smiling. “But I’m not sure Percy could ever really give up the leadership of anything.” 

“Perhaps. I heard the two of you took the night air together yesterday.” 

“Oh, yes. He wanted to have a look around town and see how repairs were coming along. Also...I think he wants a temple to the Raven Queen built...somewhere?” 

“Interesting.” Just what this dour town needed, a death deity as its patron. “Did he consult the Dawnfather at all first?” 

“The dawnfather?” she looked up at him. 

What strange godless children. _The Fourth Age,_ Gilmore reminded himself. “Yes. Pelor. He is the patron deity of Whitestone, is he not?” 

“Oh, yes. I think that’s true. But more than one god can be worshipped in a single city, can’t they?” 

“One might only hope,” Gilmore said, inclining his head with a smile. 

Vex grinned. “Oh, will there be a temple to Gilmore the Glorious going up anytime soon?” 

Gilmore laughed. “Well, I certainly wouldn’t object. But it would seem the champion I want is already otherwise engaged.” He grew quiet for a moment. “Not to mention he may associate me with a demon now…”

Vex’ahlia sniffed haughtily, standing to smooth her gown. “Well **I** would have _known_ it wasn’t really you, Gilmore,” she declared, proudly. 

“Oh?” Gilmore was interested in her reasoning. 

“Of course,” she smiled confidently. “When you visit Vax, you Teleport directly into his room. You wouldn’t walk up from the town below and just knock on the door!” 

“You are far too clever by half,” Gilmore told her with a suspicious smile.

“Look,” Vex’ahlia said. “Even though my room isn’t right next to my brother’s anymore, I _know_ when you’re with him. If you know what I mean.”

Gilmore tilted his head. “Not quite…” 

“Call it...twin’s intuition,” she said, smiling. “And by the way, darling...” She reached out and air-booped his nose. “Thank you for taking such good care of him.”

Gilmore wasn’t sure she was saying what he thought she was saying...twin empathy was not a possibility he’d given any thought. When he did not reply, she continued. “You were giving him _quite_ the workout there for a bit.” 

He blinked, not exactly embarrassed, but still taken unawares. “Why do I feel as though I should apologize?” 

“Darling,” Vex smirked, placing a hand on her hip. “Never apologize for being good at what you do.” And with a trademark wink, she sauntered off, leaving Gilmore a bit befuddled. 

Would he need to cast a dampening spell whenever they were together now? Or would the twins’ telempathic connection continue to transmit, regardless? _Oh, gods._

“May I have this dance?” A familiar voice drew him from his paranoid reverie. Gilmore looked up to see Grog bending down and offering Gilmore his hand. 

“Poor Grog,” Gilmore smiled apologetically. “I have left you waiting, haven’t I?” 

“Good things are worth waiting for,” Grog said. “Or so I’ve been told.” His boyish grin was infectious. Gilmore stowed his cane inside his satchel and took Grog’s hand, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. As they walked toward the dance floor, he saw the lines of dancers were currently engaged in a minuet. Gilmore was afraid that might be a bit tricky for Grog. 

“Er, let’s stop right here for now,” he said. “You see that dance they’re all doing?” 

“Yeh?” Grog said, sweating bullets. 

“Well, let’s try it with just the two of us first. That’s less pressure, don’t you think?” 

“Probably.” Gilmore took Grog’s hand and demonstrated the first two forms. Then he had Grog try, but that ended with a tray of drinks crashing to the ground, and a second servant slipping on the wine. 

“Nevermind about that, Grog,” Gilmore said when the goliath hung his head in shame. “Let’s move this way a bit and we’ll practice it together, slowly. Don’t worry; I’ll talk you through it.” That went slightly better, but Grog still tended to go forward when he should be going back, and he nearly stepped on Gilmore more than once--which was an accomplishment, considering it was a low-contact dance. 

“I have a better idea,” Gilmore told him, finally. “Wait here.” He patted Grog on the shoulder and went to speak with the musicians. Fortunately, they did take requests, and promised to play his next. 

Gilmore returned with a smile. “Alright, they’re going to play a song for us in a few minutes,” Gilmore told him. “And it’s much easier. Mostly, all you have to do is follow my lead.”

“Are you sure?” Grog asked, looking afraid. “I don’t want to, like. Trample you to death by mistake.” 

“Oh, I’d like to avoid that as well,” Gilmore said with a grin. “But trust me, you can do this. Here. Take my hand. And I’ll put my other hand on your waist.”

“Okay, but don’t get fresh,” Grog said, giving Gilmore a wink to show he was joking. 

“Never fear, Grog. I promise to be a perfect gentleman.” 

“Well...maybe you could get a _little_ fresh...I mean, if you want to.” Grog looked hopeful. 

Gilmore chuckled. “Grog, you’re adorable. Now, here are the steps. Just watch me for a moment.” By the time the musicians began the waltz, Grog had almost gotten the hang of it. 

With the music, Gilmore led, taking Grog in a slow twirl around the room. And he only got stepped on twice. “You see?” he looked up at Grog, beaming. “I knew you could do it.”

“I’m doing it!” Grog said, excited. “Pike, lookit me! I’m doing it!” He let go of Gilmore’s hand to wave at the gnome across the room, and they nearly collided with another couple. “Whoops.” 

But Gilmore just laughed, enjoying himself. When Grog stepped on him a third time, he simply lifted Gilmore off the ground and continued to dance with Gilmore’s feet dangling out of the danger zone. “I’ve heard of dancing on air, but this is ridiculous,” Gilmore laughed. 

“I don’t wanna break your feet,” Grog explained. “Thanks for teaching me to dance, Gilmore.” 

“The pleasure was all mine,” he said. “And this is just one dance. I’m sure you could learn many more.” 

“I dunno,” Grog said, looking doubtful. 

“Oh, of course you can,” Gilmore assured him. 

When the music stopped, it took a few moments for Grog to catch up and stop dancing. “Awww.” He reluctantly put Gilmore back on his feet. “I guess it’s over.” 

“For now,” Gilmore said, squeezing his arm. “It’s late, and I was nearly killed twice tonight, so I think it’s time I should be getting home.” 

“Okaaay.” Grog agreed reluctantly. “Night, then. Gilmore.” 

“Goodnight, dear Grog.” 

“Is it--would it be okay to have another hug?” Grog asked, bashfully. 

“Of course,” Gilmore told him. “Hugs are always allowed.” He opened his arms only to be swept up by Grog again. “Oh my! Alright, then.” 

“Thanks.” Grog put him back down. “G’night. Again.” 

“Good night, my friend.” Gilmore headed toward the door before Grog had the courage to ask for anything further. But there was one more conversation Gilmore wanted to have before he left the castle. 

He caught Kima’s eye across the room and waved at her, signing that he was going to take his leave. She was sitting alone with Allura now, apparently deep in conversation, and waved a hand at him that seemed to indicate she was too busy. Gilmore did not feel bad, then, as he headed downstairs.


	8. I've Got So Little Left to Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilmore has a man to dragon talk with Percy before going home to fuss over Jarett.

Gilmore withdrew his cane from his bag and made his way downstairs. So much walking. Gilmore didn’t think he’d done this much walking in Emon, but he must have. Even healed, his injuries were making him feel like an old man. 

He found the door to Percy’s workshop unlocked, and used a bit of Telekinesis to wedge it open. The doors were heavy things, likely to prevent anyone in the hall from taking damage if there were to be a blast from within. Which bothered Gilmore. They were all so reckless with their own safety. Their party needed someone with common sense. Once inside, Gilmore used his cane to rap on the metal doors, not wishing to startle Percy when he got his attention. 

“I’m working!” Percy called out, not looking up. 

“Well, I imagined you would be,” Gilmore said, waiting patiently by the door. At the sound of his voice, Percy glanced up from his tinkering and turned to look at Gilmore over his shoulder. 

“Oh, my word! What brings you here, good patron? May I be of service?” 

Gilmore had to think for a moment how he wanted to word it. “Percival...if I may.” He began to walk toward the workbench. “I wanted to talk with you...not as business associates, but as friends.”

Percy inclined his head. “Of course. I consider it a privilege.” 

Gilmore wasn’t sure that was precisely true, but he appreciated the window Percy had given him. “The seven of you have been through a lot lately. And as the silent leader of Vox Machina, I imagine the pressure must be taking its toll on you. Is there anyone you can talk to about... things?” Gilmore already knew the answer, but he wanted to make a point. 

“Well.” Percy steepled his fingers, thinking. “One such as I, who was raised to lead, must accept certain things as par for the course. They come with the job, so to speak. Having someone with whom I can share my struggles...by many would be seen as a sign of weakness. With the exception of family, I don’t think I was ever really taught with whom it was appropriate to share such things. And even among family--”

“That’s my point,” Gilmore said. “Percival, I’d like to know if you’re alright.” 

He watched the gunslinger’s eyes pop with surprise and indignation for just a moment. “Well. Certainly, there have been pressures on me of late. But I’m handling them as capably as I can.” 

“Percival.” Gilmore sat down next to him on the bench. “Pardon my bluntness. I know it’s not in your upbringing to speak plainly about feelings, much less to someone below your station. But let’s pretend for a moment that you and I are equals.” Gilmore leaned forward, gripping the handle of his cane. “How are you, Percival?”

Percy shook his head, as though this did not compute. He didn’t have an appropriate response for such an onslaught. “Well, I...I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie,” Gilmore said, using his Command voice, which made Percy startle. 

“Well, I suppose...if I’m being honest…” he winced a little. “I’m very tired. I’m frightened knowing how much hangs in the balance. How much rests on us doing exactly the right thing at exactly the right time. And…” He glanced at Gilmore, uncertain if he should say more. “Oh, fuck it. I was recently informed that I’ve always been broken, and just. Well, I’d hoped there was some remedy for who I am, and how I am. But now it seems I must just accept that I’m unworthy of what little happiness I’d considered, and--”

Gilmore held up a hand. “Stop. Who told you that?” 

Percy shrugged, dropping his tools on the table and removing his fine work spectacles. “A god, actually.”

Gilmore rolled his eyes. “Let me guess which one.” 

Percy raised an eyebrow. “You do not respect the gods?” 

Gilmore snorted. “Why would I? A bunch of pompous narcissists with nothing better to do than play around with mortals like some sinister game of chess? No. I have a difficult time respecting that. Now. Gods whose main goal is to help mortals? To heal? That I can respect. --sort of. We won’t talk about a certain platinum dragon. But gods who preen like Kord or weave stories out of mortal lives for their own amusement, like the Raven Queen? Frankly, they do not deserve my respect.” 

“Oh.” Percy looked back at him, shocked. “Well...I am a man of science--”

“Then why would you consult a god at all?” Gilmore asked. “I would think you of all people…” 

“Well, as such, I have a certain...curiosity about things. About all things. So when Vax came back from his initiation... I just wanted to know if she had any advice for me.”

“And because she suits your aesthetic,” Gilmore pointed out.

“Yes, well.” Percy tried to steer clear of that topic. 

“Listen,” Gilmore stopped him before Percy could deny any further why what had happened had happened. “I know you think of me as a talented businessman and little else,” Gilmore said, holding up a hand when Percy tried to protest out of politeness. “But my powers grant me certain insights. And as a man somewhat older than yourself, there are things on which I can advise you, just from life experience…” Gilmore made certain Percy was actually listening. Then he put his hand on the workbench for emphasis. “Percival, you are not broken.”

The relief showed on Percy’s face, and Gilmore went on. “Certainly, you’ve made some self-destructive choices. And intentionally chosen courses which you knew would hurt others. But that does not make you broken.” Gilmore tilted his head when Percy looked away. “It means you’re learning. Now, you can make choices in the future which you know will hurt others, or you can choose to bend your path toward being a helper: someone who makes the world better. And I believe your natural instinct is to do just that, as proven by the work you do every day.” Gilmore waved a hand at the project currently on the table, which seemed to be a saddle for a flying broom. Interesting. Gilmore’s fingers itched to touch it, but he restrained himself. 

“Now I know what you’re thinking. You also have that little voice in your head that tells you to do things you know will harm others. And it’s justified those acts to you through your spirit of inquiry. But in fact, that’s not your voice at all, is it?” 

Percy peeped over at him just briefly, looking vaguely like a frightened bunny. “You’ve convinced yourself that it is your inner voice, when in fact, it’s the corruption left behind by another,” Gilmore continued. “Quite frankly, those are injuries which can heal. If you let them.” 

Percy was quiet for some time, absorbing Gilmore’s words. “I’m unsure of my path,” Percy admitted, finally. “What little control I have, of course, because so much of what I must do is predetermined.” 

“Yes, I understand that,” Gilmore said. “The common man sees a patrician and assumes he must have ultimate freedom through his station in life, when in fact, much of that is merely the yoke of obligation, from which it is difficult to break free.”

Percy looked at Gilmore more closely then. “That sounds like you speak from experience,” he said. 

Gilmore didn’t answer, he just bowed his head, letting Percy assume what he would. “Well.” Percy opened his eyes wider for a moment. “That does change things.” He turned toward Gilmore. “My apologies if--”

Gilmore put up a hand to stop him. “There are no apologies necessary, Percival. We’re friends. I just want you to know I see your struggle and I want to help. If you ever need someone on the outside or an ear to bend... maybe I can offer a word or two of advice from time to time.”

“Thank you.” Percy almost bowed. “That is much appreciated. I can’t promise I will take advantage of your generous offer, but it means a great deal just to know--well. Thank you.” 

Gilmore threw open his arms. “Embrace me, Percival. I know it goes against decorum, but in my culture, it’s rude not to. Come on.” And he put his arms around the reluctant Percy, his body stiff at being touched at all. Gilmore held him until Percy began to relax and allow it. 

“Truly. Thank you,” Percy said softly. 

“Remember,” Gilmore told him. “There is no burden you have to bear alone when you’re surrounded by friends and family.” He finally relented and let Percy go. 

“I’ll try to keep it in mind,” Percy said, taking out a cloth and wiping his spectacles (and--discreetly--one eye). 

“You’re not the only one who’s struggling,” Gilmore said. “There are others around you who think they have to keep their feelings or struggles hidden, or be rejected. As this is a feeling you know well, I hope you can be empathetic toward others where you find them.” 

Percy looked up, immediately suspicious. “That’s a bit mysterious.” 

“I know.” Gilmore said, smiling. “One other thing. I’ve been meaning to talk to you since that business in the sunken tomb…”

Percy looked worried, and he did not meet Gilmore’s eyes. 

“The death of one who is loved...through one’s own mistake... That must have been very hard to bear.”

“Not sure I’ll ever forgive myself, to be perfectly honest,” Percy said. 

“That seems a bit harsh,” Gilmore said. “If Vax’ildan has forgiven you, surely you can forgive yourself.”

“That assumes that I’m less hard on myself than Vax is,” Percy said, with a pained smirk. 

“Charity means nothing if one can’t also apply it to oneself,” Gilmore said. “Don’t be a hypocrite, Percy. You don’t deserve to be punished for your mistakes more than anyone else does.”

“That’s debatable,” Percy said. 

“When you’re the only one who thinks so?” Gilmore asked. 

Percy was quiet for a moment. “Alright. Fair point. But it’s not something I can just switch off.”

“I know,” Gilmore said, sympathetic. “It takes practice. Perhaps you can start now, hmm?” 

Percy looked at him then, and his keen eyes seemed to take in Gilmore for the first time. “You’re very wise,” he said. “I feel a fool for not seeing it before. I think I understand now why Vax is so drawn to you.”

A backhanded compliment, if Gilmore had ever heard one. “No.” He smirked. “Vax is drawn to me for more…carnal reasons. But we won’t get into those just now.” He gave Percy a trademark smoulder, just for good measure.

“Oh, good heavens!” Percy turned back to his work bench, and futzed with his tools, his cheeks burning. 

Gilmore laughed, pleased. “Good night to you, Percival,” he said, moving toward the door. 

“Good night, good patron,” Percy said, turning and making a bow without getting up from his bench. As Gilmore closed the door behind him, he saw the silhouette of a certain rogue hiding on the ceiling.

*

And with that, Gilmore had finally spoken to everyone he’d meant to, with the notable exception of Vax. Feeling bone tired, he flew home, utterly done with walking for one day. The first dim rays of sunrise were just beginning to creep over the horizon, reminding Gilmore just how long it had been since he’d slept. 

As soon as he arrived home, Gilmore went to the library to check on Jarett. The captain’s eyes opened as Gilmore walked in, and he pushed himself up from the couch. The bandages slipped just enough to show his stab wound had closed, and also to reveal Jarett’s chiseled abs painted amber by the soft orange glow of the firelight. Gilmore found himself staring again. 

Jarett rose and came to him, snapping him out of it. “ _How are you feeling?_ ” Gilmore asked. Jarett said nothing, just reached out for Gilmore’s hand. _“Please allow me to apologize again for the way I left earlier,”_ Gilmore said. _“It was wrong of me, and I--”_

Jarett put a finger to Gilmore’s lips, and Gilmore saw Jarett was wearing the ring he’d enclosed with the apology note. _“I understand your feelings. And I managed to put out the fire before I had to lie down. I was happy to do it.”_

Gilmore sighed. _“Still. It was wrong. I shouldn’t have--”_

Jarett leaned forward and kissed him for the second time tonight. _“Oh, J’arett,_ ” Gilmore sighed. But he hadn’t pulled away half so quickly that time. 

_“Please don’t say it,”_ Jarett said, looking down at the ground. _“That is merely the price I ask instead of an apology.”_ Then he looked up at Gilmore. _“May you continue to sin and apologize to me in the future.”_

Gilmore offered a lopsided smile, bending to brush Jarett’s forehead with his lips. _“Don’t falsely raise my hopes, my lord,”_ Jarett told him. 

_“I’m sorry,”_ Gilmore said, not thinking. And Jarett kissed him again, a little longer this time. _“We have to stop this,”_ Gilmore said, finding himself responding more to Jarett’s advances each time. 

“ _Just as you wish, my lord,”_ Jarett said, inclining his head deferentially. 

_“And in the spirit of that request,”_ Gilmore said. _“Please don’t take this the wrong way.”_ Once more, he turned Jarett’s head to one side so that he could look at Cassandra’s bite marks over his jugular. Gilmore would not have been able to see them by the light of the fire if it were not for his darkvision. 

_“Are you sure, my lord?”_ Jarett asked. When Gilmore gently stroked fingers across the wounds, Jarett’s skin erupted in goosebumps. 

_“Apologies, Jarett. But I am.”_ Gilmore cast Lay on Hands, but to prevent scarring, he thought he would likely need to make a poultice as well. 

_“This is torment,”_ Jarett breathed. _“But I feel privileged to be tortured by you, Gilt D’amour.”_

 _“Now, J’arett,”_ Gilmore scolded gently. _“Stop flirting, this is serious.”_

_“As you wish.”_ Gilmore made the mistake of glancing down from the bite marks, noticing Jarett’s erect nipples were not the only part of Jarett’s body responding to his touch. 

He really needed to put some distance between them. _“Come along, J’arett.”_ Gilmore led him back into the kitchen where he withdrew a jar of dried glisfoil and began to crush it up. _“Have a seat,”_ Gilmore told him, finding Jarett still lingering behind him while he worked.

 _“Must I?”_ Jarett asked, sliding arms around Gilmore’s waist and resting his cheek against Gilmore’s back the way he’d done many days ago. He was careful to keep his lower half at a discreet distance. 

_“Why do I feel like saying no will just encourage you?”_ Gilmore asked, grabbing a decanter of holy water and continuing to work. Honestly it felt nice to have someone hug him for once, as opposed to all the hugs he’d given away tonight.

 _“Because you are very wise?”_ Jarett suggested. _“And generous.”_ He held up his left hand, where he was wearing Gilmore’s ring on his pinkie. _“And kind. And handsome…”_ When his lips found the back of Gilmore’s neck, he made Jarett sit down as punishment. 

_“Stop seducing me, you silly thing,”_ Gilmore told him. _“I’m trying to help you.”_

Jarett leaned on the back of the chair, just watching Gilmore work. _“Yes, my lord.”_

Finally the poultice was finished, and Gilmore forced Jarett to hold still while he applied it. More clothes. Jarett really needed to put on a shirt, and these thoughts would not even be in Gilmore’s head. Seeing Jarett wince as he plastered it on, Gilmore said, _“I know, darling, it’s cold. My apologies.”_

 _“What’s a little cold when you’re standing this close to me?”_ Jarett said, opening sly eyes. 

Gilmore caught his hands before Jarett could wrap arms around him again. _“I believe that’s enough for tonight. Time for sleep.”_ But he didn’t want Jarett tripping on the stairs in case he was still unsteady on his feet. _“Shall I walk you to your room?”_

 _“Please,”_ Jarett said, standing up and taking Gilmore’s elbow instead of his hand. As they walked up the stairs, Gilmore began to wonder who was supporting whom. Stairs were still a bit of a struggle for him, and he leaned on Jarett probably more than he should have. For his part, Jarett took it well. Maybe he’d just wanted to touch Gilmore for a little longer. 

Finally they reached the landing and walked arm in arm to Jarett’s room. Gilmore thought leaving him at the door was the wisest thing, given their recent interactions. _“Good night, Gilt D’amour,”_ Jarett said, bowing. 

_“Good night, J’arett. Rest well,”_ Gilmore said, touching the poultice one last time to assure himself it was secure. Then he went to his own bedroom, half-wishing he had the energy to go back to his lair for a proper rest. But Gilmore had a feeling the chaos of the last 12 hours was not yet done, and he needed to be ready and in Whitestone to deal with whatever came next.


End file.
